Your guide to a lonely Valentine’s Day


Photo by Dave Jennings/Leslie Fireman

Sasha Baumgartner provides readers with more Unqualified Advice about Valentine’s Day

By Sasha Baumgartner, Editor

“Once more, you open the door,

And you’re here in my heart,

And my heart will go on and on.”

— Celine Dion, 1997 —

Love is in the air as Valentine’s Day approaches: pink and red can be spotted around every corner, and one’s nostrils are filled with a strange chocolate aroma. For some, Valentine’s Day is an exciting time that they get to share with a partner, but on the other hand, it can be a slap in the face and reminder to some that they are lonely. Although you can celebrate the holiday with family or friends, doing so does not generate the same feeling as getting to spend the time with a significant other.

Valentine’s Day is an ancient holiday celebrated every year on February 14. Through time, the holiday’s meaning has shifted, as it has become more commercialized. Now, it is impossible to walk into any store without seeing a heart-shaped item or a teddy bear just waiting for you to love it. This day is all about love, friendship, family, love and romantic love – but mostly romantic love. That is why, as a single person, Valentine’s Day can be a disheartening occasion. Sure, you can get a box of chocolates from your mom, but it does not feel the same as sharing that moment with a significant other. And so, I have some great alternatives to participate in this Valentine’s Day, and how to focus on self-love as I – and so many others – spend yet another holiday as a party for one.

Love is something that, as human beings, we need. I always like to argue that love is one of the basic needs. Sure, we need food, water, and oxygen, but I think love fits into the top ten of these necessities. There are many different love languages that love can be obtained by, but at the end of the day, everyone needs some. In an article posted by Psychology Today , Raj Raghunathan Ph.D., dives into the desire to be loved, and why humans are always searching for affection. Raghunathan expresses, “All of us have an intense desire to be loved and nurtured. The need to be loved, as experiments by Bowlby and others have shown, could be considered one of our most basic and fundamental needs.” The author’s comments completely sum up why I believe that love is one of the basic human needs. But, one thing I would really like to draw some attention to in this article is self-love. If you think about it, how can you love anyone else if you cannot begin to love yourself? I understand that sounds like a bunch of bull, because that is what I thought when I first heard the phrase, but trust me, there is accuracy to those words. Medical News Today has an article about self-love that describes the misconception of self-love perfectly: “For many people, the concept of self-love might conjure images of tree-hugging hippies or cheesy self-help books. But, as many psychology studies attest, self-love and -compassion are key for mental health and well-being.” Therefore, self-love is something that should not be overlooked because loving yourself can lead to healthier relationships overall.

But let’s get to the nitty gritty: what if you are lonely this Valentine’s Day? What if you are searching for a way to fill your heart this year? Well, I have some tips or ideas that can fill your void this holiday.

Photo by Sasha Baumgartner

As mentioned before, self-love can help fill you up this year. The best way to formulate this concept of loving yourself is through self-care. Ah ha, the self-care comes back yet again; I do not think I can go a whole article without mentioning self-care, which proves its worth. So, take some time for self-care this year. Give yourself some time to reflect on how you treat yourself everyday. Ask yourself, Would I talk to a friend or loved one this way? Additionally, you may want to set up some affirmations to speak on Valentine’s Day. These affirmations can be short and sweet, or longer, with a deeper meaning – whichever you prefer. For example, you may want to hang up something on your mirror that says “Yes, I am feeling lonely, but this will, in fact, pass with time.” It is important to remind yourself that this year, you are lonely, but there is next year – and there is nothing better than the company you can provide yourself with work and time.
Depending on where you are in your self-compassion journey, number one may seem impossible, so do not worry: I have more options. “Galentine’s Day” originally came from the TV show Parks and Recreation , but has since been implemented into society as a standard celebration. Galentine’s Day is basically an “un-holiday” where you spend the day with your besties doing all the same fun things you would do if you were in a relationship. You can go out to a nice dinner together, buy each other chocolate, and participate in everything that couples normally do on Valentine’s Day. This awesome celebration of friendship usually arrives the day before Valentine’s Day, February 13. So, if you and some of your friends find yourselves lonely this year, plan an amazing Galentine’s Day celebration to lighten the mood and spread the love.

Whether you take the route of a solo Valentine’s Day or a friends/family holiday, I really do hope that these tips helped you in some sort of way. As always, remember that you are not alone, and please take care of yourself. And remember as said in the words of Paul McCarthy “All you need is love, all you need is love, all you need is love love, love is all you need.” So, give yourself that love you need this Valentine’s Day, and truly, don’t listen to me and my rants, because, yet again, I don’t know.