It is a cold December night in West Chicago, and a man has just returned home from his 4-11 shift at Walmart, a job he works at after school. All he wants to do after a long, exhausting day is relax and wind down with a good movie. Being a fan of comic books and superheroes, he puts on a flick about one of his favorite heroes, Green Lantern.
This man just made the worst mistake of his week. Do not follow his example. In fact, there are a number of big name films from the 2000s that should probably be avoided at all costs due to a variety of reasons, some being bad writing, horrible special effects, and bad or lazy performances.
#5 The Equalizer 3
For only having around seven minutes throughout this film, Denzel Washington is probably one of the only redeeming elements that “The Equalizer 3” has going for it. Washington is indisputably among the greatest actors of his generation, and the cinematography along with his performance as Robert McCall, who plays him less as an action hero and more of a Michael Myers slasher villain, is great in concept. Unfortunately, the vast majority of “The Equalizer 3″ is McCall on vacation in Italy, occasionally advancing the plot, but usually just wasting time. The lack of properly developed characters, especially the prominently featured mafia villains, and a shoestring plot, result in this 109 minute movie that feels like it’s three times that length.
#4 Green Lantern
As a film about the one of centerpiece heroes of the DC universe, “Green Lantern” features some of the worst CGI ever seen in superhero cinema. DC should have used the massive 200 million dollar budget to properly adapt the computer generated characters in the film. Characters often appear blurry and unrealistic in frames where a green screen can clearly be seen in the background, countless times throughout the movie. DC also demonstrates a poor understanding of the source material by incorporating a story line with rapid shifts and no depth to any of the main characters such as Green Lantern’s arch nemesis Sinestro, who rarely appears in the film. Instead they choose to gather all the heroes and dawdle and stumble on their plot to take down the villain Hector Hammond as he crashes into earth. DC fails to execute the heroes nor the villains correctly, and combined with the horrible special effects, “Green Lantern” as a film is unwatchable and an overall eyesore.
#3 Eternals
This film should have been a TV series, which Marvel is unfortunately not too great at either. It tries to cram what feels like a sprawling ten hour epic narrative into a two and a half hour movie. The movie ambitiously tries to tell the story of 10 characters, resulting in the whole film leaving the audience suspended in the plot while the narrative of time shifts and character development occurs. The usage of present and past times causes the plot to leave the eternal heroes abandoned in the past, while they chart plans to defeat the villain Ikaris. The final scene where all the heroes gather to defeat Ikaris is poorly shot and features all the heroes plastered together gathered by a volcano, where they ultimately defend their place and split up. The film ends in a cluster and from the beginning can be interpreted as unfinished.
#2 Godzilla (1998)
The 1998 remake of “Godzilla” suffers from a meandering script, mediocre CGI, and little visual flair. The film is so bad, that the 90s did not want it, and it now makes the 2000s list. The only positive in this movie is the Diddy song “Come for Me” that was specifically made for the film. For starters, the CGI, though not awful at its time of release, has aged very poorly, making the film feel dated in a way neither its predecessors or successors do. Godzilla 1998 also isn’t really about Godzilla at all. It’s an action B-movie that happens to have Godzilla, and the characters and stories that were chose to fixate on aren’t interesting at all in comparison to better Godzilla films.
#1 Thor: Love and Thunder
After the release of “Thor: Ragnarok”, considered a high point in the MCU by many, audiences could not wait for Taika Waititi’s next work for Marvel. However, on July 8, 2022, they were ambushed by an utter disaster. Love and Thunder centers around the demigod Thor facing off against Gorr the God Butcher, with support from his ex-girlfriend Jane Foster and other heroes. The main problem present is tonal dissonance; the movie tries to be both a cringe comedy and an existential drama, often within the same scene. A fact which results in it tripping over itself trying to do either. It’s not an innate flaw to be both dark and comedic; acclaimed thriller film “Psycho” and mobster TV show “The Sopranos” consistently can pull off dramedy to great success. However, a prominent example of this film failing to do so can be seen when Thor receives two loud goats as a gift for saving a planet. Throughout the entire film, the goats randomly bleat. It’s funny the first time, but by the third, it’s just irritating and becomes repetitive. Additionally, Gorr as a character is largely underwritten. Viewers rarely see him earn his moniker on screen by killing anyone, or doing much of anything. The whole film is the epitome of squandered potential.
