You scroll through Instagram, mindlessly double-tapping posts, when something makes you pause. Under a viral video of a man’s skincare routine, a comment stands out: “Okay, but can you make one for people who aren’t gay?” The message, simple but biting, reflects a deeper cultural belief—masculinity is rigid, and anything outside its narrow definition is dismissed or ridiculed. But is this perception outdated? And what kind of impact does it have on men today?

Stereotypical gender roles have surfaced throughout history, dating back centuries to when men were traditionally expected to be strong, competitive, and assertive, whereas women were expected to be caring and supportive.

These values have been passed down from generation to generation – even today, men are still told to be the provider for the family, leave nurturing to the women, and conform to a narrow version of masculinity. Bringing in the concept of ‘toxic masculinity’ where a man can be culturally trained and socially pressured to behave like.

And over time, etiquette has evolved. Chivalry – the idea that a man should behave respectfully and courteously toward a woman – was once seen as a romantic ideal. It made men feel useful, while women felt valued. However, in today’s world, some would argue that certain chivalrous acts be used as reinforced outdated gender roles rather than simply being gestures of kindness.. This concept is called “benevolent sexism”: an attitude or belief that appears positive, but ultimately reinforces traditional gender expectations.

Acts as simple as holding a door open or paying for food can become less about kindness and more about reinforcing the belief that women are helpless without male assistance. Another modern day example would be ‘mansplaining’, a way of where men talk down at a woman or in a condescending way, such as about information that they think women would not be intelligent enough to know about.

But if a man is raised in a household that does not train them in this way, how else could they learn these traits?

Originally rooted in animal behavior studies, the term “alpha male” once described dominance in wolf packs. But in the 21st century, popular influencers have redefined it, shaping a generation’s perception of masculinity. Their message? Strength means control, emotion is weakness, and dominance is key to success. But does this mindset actually benefit young men – or does it do more harm than good?

Internet influencers have played a major role in popularizing these terms. Figures like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and the online “manosphere” community reinforce the idea that masculinity is under attack and that men must reclaim dominance.

Often, these influencers and communities share messages about fitness and financial success, offering guidance primarily to young men—especially those who feel overlooked or uncertain about their role in society. However, these influencers frequently frame masculinity as the ultimate solution to modern problems, claiming that men must be strong, self-sufficient, and emotionally detached.

Some take a different view. 

Luke Davis, a sophomore at WEGO, says that embracing traditionally feminine traits can be a sign of security. He also believes that those who project an exaggerated sense of masculinity may actually be masking insecurity.

“My father was not afraid to show signs of femininity, [nor were] my brothers. I grew up with my dad loving the color purple and always doing stuff with me and my siblings that would be considered ‘girly’ in a way,” Davis said. “And with my brothers, he would tell me that pink can also be a color for men, kind of embracing femininity and breaking gender norms.”

Davis believes gender stereotypes are outdated. 

“A lot of the times, the women are the breadwinners and the men stay at home,” Davis said. 

Jay Ratphimpha, a Carol Stream resident, also questions rigid gender roles, particularly when they are pushed on others.

“Let’s say you’re a man and you do the work and you can provide for your woman and the woman does all that stuff. If you want that and find someone who does that, that’s great,” Ratphimpha said. “But then when you try to push on to other people or say you see another man staying at home and the wife working and it works for them, and then you say, ‘That’s not how it should be, the man should do this and this,’ – I don’t like that.”

However, the messages go beyond self-improvement. Some influencers also propagate an image of hyper-masculinity, in which men must be powerful, emotionally detached, and always in control. More concerningly, some even advocate male supremacy and normalize violence against women.

In their minds, being deemed feminine equals weakness, which is why they push the rigid, often toxic “alpha-male” figure.

While internet influencers often promote a rigid and hyper-masculine image, male musicians like Frank Ocean, Kid Cudi, and Tyler, the Creator  have taken a different approach. Through their lyrics and public personas, they challenge the traditional ideas of what it means to be a man.

Artists like these three can help fans rethink what it means to be masculine which can benefit society’s well being as a whole.

Nowadays, the pressure to conform to rigid ideas of masculinity is common, and many believe it takes a toll on men’s mental health. 

Ratphimpha maintains that societal norms continue to teach men at a young age to act in ways that reinforce unhealthy behaviours.

“We’re conditioned and programmed to believe that it’s bad for men to act feminine or vulnerable,” Ratphimpha said. “I feel like the world should change in that direction. It’s okay to not be 100% okay.”

Boys are often taught at such a young age to “toughen up” or “shake it off” when they are upset or hurt. These ideas have become so ingrained in society that many people have been desensitized to  the harmful effects of telling men to “man up”. 

Ratphimpha warns that suppressing emotions can have long-term consequences.

“Toxic masculinity – to not show your emotions – it causes men to feel like they are alone and causes men to break down,” Ratphimpha said, “That’s why men literally kill themselves the most out of everyone. That’s the real, real problem.”

Kevin Foss, founder of CalOCD, elaborated on the dangers of suppressing emotions in an article for the Anxiety & Depression Association of America.

“Toxic masculinity opposes mental and physical health treatment even when injured or emotionally struggling… Additionally, suppressing mental health issues, such as depression, trauma, and anxiety, can worsen symptoms and precipitate isolation, loss of jobs or friends, and even suicide,” Foss said.

According to CDC data, “The suicide rate among males in 2022 was approximately four times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 50% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides.” 

Suicide survivor, Joshua Beharry, spoke about how male stereotypes prevented him from seeking help before his attempt.

“Before, I never even thought of mental health in terms of what it means to be a man. I think I probably never asked for help because of those male stereotypes,” Beharry said in an article on HealthyDebate. 

Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that men who strongly adhere to traditional masculine ideals are less likely to seek mental health support, often perceiving it as a sign of weakness. This reluctance is believed to be a key factor in why men have the highest suicide rate in the U.S.—and one of the highest worldwide.

Annually, WEGO holds a powder puff game with ‘Pom Boys’ performing for the halftime show. Acts like the Pom Boys’ imply that masculinity does not have to fit a mold. (Photo by Logan Reed)

Scrolling through social media, a man’s skincare routine may seem like an insignificant moment – but the reactions to it reveal something deeper. The question remains: why is masculinity still so rigidly defined?

Despite strong opinions on masculinity and gender roles, even those who reject the term ‘toxic masculinity’ acknowledge the harm of suppressing emotion.

“I believe that a good man always seeks balance,” Landmichl said. “I’ve never believed in this: ‘Men don’t cry’, or ‘Men don’t hug.’ I’ve always despised that. Those fathers who can’t tell their children ‘I love you’ because they have this idea that somehow that’s just, It’s just not manly. I feel that that’s extremely short-sighted.”

Landmichl added that many harmful behaviors associated with masculinity stem from habit and upbringing.

“You just don’t know better. You know you weren’t shown better. The thing is that we’re all creatures of habit, and we only know what we know. We only know what we see,” Landmichl said. “So if we learn from our parents, and our parents set, you know, an example of X, then all we know is x – until we grow up and look around.”

Anderson shared a similar perspective, pointing out that gender expression does not define masculinity or femininity.

“For example, I tend to communicate in a way that aligns more with stereotypical femininity,” Anderson said. “That doesn’t change my masculinity—it’s just my communication style.” 

He recalled working with a mother who struggled to connect with her daughter.

“I once worked with a mother who struggled to communicate with her daughter,” Anderson said. “When I asked about her upbringing, she told me she grew up with four brothers and no sisters. I told her, ‘You talk like a guy.’ It wasn’t about her femininity—it was about how she learned to communicate.”

At its core, the debate over masculinity is not about eliminating it – but about expanding what it can be.

The expectations placed on men continue to evolve, shaped by both tradition and challenge. But as perspectives shift, perhaps masculinity is not something to defend or reclaim – but something to redefine.